Knoted

There's really not a better word to describe how I feel right now. I'm all tied up in knots, from my head, to my back. Even my legs are aching. I'm so on edge about everything and I'm sure it's driving Tim crazy. I had to hide out in our room last night just to cry it out and get over it. I felt so bad dropping everything in Tim's lap (dinner, playing with the kids, bedtimes) but I think I would have made things even harder. It seems like they all just wanted to make me feel better. Brenden added me to his prayers without being asked. ("And help my mommy feel better. Amen.") Lauren came in right before bed, helped me fold clothes, sang to me, and then grabbed my neck and wouldn't let go when she knew it was bedtime. Thank goodness for all of them.

My stress list (because getting it out always makes me feel better):

1. Lauren. Her blood work came back perfectly normal, which is good and bad. Good, because that means that she doesn't have some crazy infection. Bad, because that means it's probably something worse that will require a more invasive treatment. Like a cyst that will need draining, or worse. I don't even want to think about what may be coming. The waiting is eating me alive. My fears are too much to put into words, so all I can do is push them down, hold her close, and pray that the doctor will figure it out soon.

2. Our car. It is just one big mess. The front left wheel bearing is loose. Both the front and rear differential are leaking or making horrendous noises. The transfer case is borked. Total estimate? $4,400. I'm...still in shock. I seriously thought I might get sick. It has been to 3 different places so far and now we have to get it looked at a 4th time to see if it could be related to the wheel falling off way back in 2008. Best case scenario: Insurance decides it will be covered, it gets fixed and then we sell it. Worst case scenario: It's not covered and we sell it and get Tim a much cheaper car to drive back and forth to work. Either way, that car is gone.

3. Rick. I haven't mentioned much about Rick, which I feel awful about, because I've been so wrapped up in my head worrying about everything. He ended up back at the emergency room on Saturday because he started running a fever. He's been doing chemo and taking it rather well, but this round just really knocked him for a loop. He's been in ICU since that day and they are now moving him to the Oncology floor. He ended up testing positive for strep, which is not surprising with his immune system being so compromised, but it still sucks. Hopefully he'll be home before we make it out there on Saturday, but either way we'll be taking it easy on him. Any good thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to say they are thinking of us. Thank you to Tim and the kids for helping me smile.

It's hard to stay sad looking at this face! :)