Knoted

There's really not a better word to describe how I feel right now. I'm all tied up in knots, from my head, to my back. Even my legs are aching. I'm so on edge about everything and I'm sure it's driving Tim crazy. I had to hide out in our room last night just to cry it out and get over it. I felt so bad dropping everything in Tim's lap (dinner, playing with the kids, bedtimes) but I think I would have made things even harder. It seems like they all just wanted to make me feel better. Brenden added me to his prayers without being asked. ("And help my mommy feel better. Amen.") Lauren came in right before bed, helped me fold clothes, sang to me, and then grabbed my neck and wouldn't let go when she knew it was bedtime. Thank goodness for all of them.

My stress list (because getting it out always makes me feel better):

1. Lauren. Her blood work came back perfectly normal, which is good and bad. Good, because that means that she doesn't have some crazy infection. Bad, because that means it's probably something worse that will require a more invasive treatment. Like a cyst that will need draining, or worse. I don't even want to think about what may be coming. The waiting is eating me alive. My fears are too much to put into words, so all I can do is push them down, hold her close, and pray that the doctor will figure it out soon.

2. Our car. It is just one big mess. The front left wheel bearing is loose. Both the front and rear differential are leaking or making horrendous noises. The transfer case is borked. Total estimate? $4,400. I'm...still in shock. I seriously thought I might get sick. It has been to 3 different places so far and now we have to get it looked at a 4th time to see if it could be related to the wheel falling off way back in 2008. Best case scenario: Insurance decides it will be covered, it gets fixed and then we sell it. Worst case scenario: It's not covered and we sell it and get Tim a much cheaper car to drive back and forth to work. Either way, that car is gone.

3. Rick. I haven't mentioned much about Rick, which I feel awful about, because I've been so wrapped up in my head worrying about everything. He ended up back at the emergency room on Saturday because he started running a fever. He's been doing chemo and taking it rather well, but this round just really knocked him for a loop. He's been in ICU since that day and they are now moving him to the Oncology floor. He ended up testing positive for strep, which is not surprising with his immune system being so compromised, but it still sucks. Hopefully he'll be home before we make it out there on Saturday, but either way we'll be taking it easy on him. Any good thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to say they are thinking of us. Thank you to Tim and the kids for helping me smile.

It's hard to stay sad looking at this face! :)

Rick Update 6-25-11

From Karen, via Facebook:

I can’t believe it’s been over three weeks since Rick was admitted to the hospital. In some respects it seems like we have been living here for months. In others, it’s like just yesterday we were unpacking from our trip to Tennessee.

The past 7-10 days have really been rough on Rick. They had to start giving him pain meds to make him somewhat comfortable. His throat hurts so much it’s hard to eat and the fever just won’t go away. His white count just isn’t there to help fight everything, so they put him on every known antibiotic, antifungal, antiviral they could to knock the bad guys out. His platelets dropped last Sunday, and his red blood count went right behind them. They had to give him transfusions every day of one of them. These were all expected things, and they warned us he would have to have them at some point. But in the back of your mind, you held out hope he wouldn’t. Friday was the first day he didn’t have to get one. In the middle of it all, he had a terrible reaction to one of the meds which caused an itchy rash all over his body. On a good note, he actually started to have a white count which is a sign that things are going to turn around. We are all just trying to make him comfortable to get through the rough patch and get him home. It’s probably going to be at least another week or so before we can start planning for that.

We continue to be amazed at the nurses and staff here. They all are so concerned and check in on Rick even when they aren’t on this floor. Even Abraham the “flooring engineer” stops by every day. I drop a package of goodies at the desk each day to thank them. They think it is a bribe, but I don’t think you have to bribe them for anything here. It make such a difference when you know it’s not just a job…they truly care.

His room is turning into a photo album of grandkids, cards and Packer gear. Kay and Jeff sent him a Packer care package which perked him up! Every card, letter and phone call is greatly appreciated. I think I’ve told more than one person that we will need a small U-Haul just to move out of this place.

Look for something wonderful and positive on my next update!!! I know it is coming.

Rick Update

From Karen, via Facebook:

Today Rick's white count completely bottomed out. He is now at zero. This is expected and means the treatment is right on track. He really felt the effects yesterday and today. He doesn’t have the pep in his step he has had since he has been here. He is fighting it, but knows his limits. We got some good news today. The genetic coding came back that the leukemia is “typical”. This means that the treatment he is receiving is exactly the correct one. There was a possibility that if it was a different mutation, that he would have to start on again on a different chemo. The doctors are still very impressed with his progress and tolerance. Now we just have to wait for the counts to start bouncing back. Then we can start talking about a release date.

Mentally, I think he is doing very well. We continue to laugh, and just take each day as it comes. He amazes me each and every day with his positive attitude. We had to “re-learn” how to play rummy, and I got a Monopoly program for the computer that we started playing last night. We’ve got Xfinity and Netflix on the computer for “movie nights” and the couch is great for a little movie cuddling. I don’t know WHAT Rick would do without his new Kindle. That has been a great source of relaxation and distraction. THANK YOU AGAIN KIMBERLY and MARC!!!

He got more mail today, which really picks him up. I have an agreement with the volunteers at the front desk, and Rick has been successfully getting his mail. Again, everyone thanks so much your thoughts and prayers.

I’ve been making it home every other day or so, and spent about 5 hours in a store doing work yesterday. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I couldn’t stay here with him. Hopefully, he thinks the same thing. I’ve told him if he ever needs his space, just let me know. Marc and Kimberly took me to this awesome sushi restaurant. We took a drive around the neighborhood and checked out the amazing houses. Everything from Victorians to Craftsmans. Oh to have the buckaroos to buy one of those gorgeous houses. But at $1.4M, I think it is a little out of reach…at least for this year ;)

Thanks again for all your support, calls and messages. They are all greatly appreciated and welcomed at any time.

Rick 2 Mutants 0

Absolutely fantastic news so far! We love you guys!

Rick and the Hospital

From Karen, via Facebook:

As most of you know, Rick was diagnosed with a form of Leukemia called APL on Friday after routine blood work. We were extremely lucky to have the doctors and lab personnel that reacted so quickly. He was admitted Friday afternoon and by Saturday morning he had his tests completed, and his first round of chemo started. Today will be day 3 of his chemo therapy, and he could not be more pleased with how he feels. His spirits are high and he can’t thank all the family and friends that have been so supportive. You could not ask for a more wonderful staff than those they have here at Porter Hospital! It has made a world of difference.

Thanks for all your messages and phone calls. He has is phone and computer with him, and found out today that he can continue to work “from home”. He was extremely happy to hear that.

Today is a good day with Rick already doing 3 laps around the floor before I even woke up. He is eating well, and continues to tell everyone…”We are going to kick this thing in the butt and get on with it.”

Rick 1 – Mutants 0

~~~~~

Yes, he has been inhabited by mutant blood cells and after those are kicked out they are going to repopulate his body with normal ones. He's also calling his i.v. cart "Walli" and the glass atrium where he sets up his computer to do work his "corner office." I think this type of upbeat attitude will help to ease the discomfort of the medications and the normal wear and tear of an extended stay in the hospital.

We love you Rick! Keep up the good work!

Rick

This wonderful guy is Karen's husband, the kids' grandpa Rick.

He adores the kids and they adore him right back. We are so blessed to have him in our lives.

On Friday, Rick was diagnosed with Leukemia.

Last week he went in for some routine blood work and they found that his white blood cell count was not what it was supposed to be. They thought it was due to some medication he was taking so they discontinued that and retested his blood at the beginning of this week. It was still off so they did a bone marrow biopsy. On Friday they went in to get the results and he was admitted to the hospital that night and started chemotherapy yesterday. He will be in the hospital for about a month and after that he will have to be careful where he goes because he'll be very susceptible to disease.

There are a few good things. First, they caught it early and he doesn't have any other symptoms. Second, out of all of the types he could have, this is the best kind. It has a 90% CURE rate, which is much better than a survival rate. I talked to him on Friday and he seems to be in good spirits so far. It probably feels strange to just be sitting in the hospital, not feeling like anything is wrong, but not being able to leave.

We are all in a state of shock, especially, and understandably, Karen. One day life was normal and the next...BAM. I wish we lived closer so that we could be there to at least distract her from everything that is going on for a little bit. There are very few instances where a grandkid hug doesn't make you feel a little better.

So please, lots of prayers and good thoughts for this very special guy. We love you, Rick and I can't wait until I can tell everyone that you're doing great and completely cured.