This afternoon, Lauren and I were able to go to lunch with my good friend Bre and her adorable son Andrew, who is the happiest little guy I've ever met. He has the cutest smile and the best laugh. I'm surprised he's not spoiled to death! As I watched him interact with Bre, listened to him giggle and belly laugh, I realized just how much it bothers me that Lauren doesn't do that. She has her moments where she is super happy, when you can tell she's having a blast, but most of the time she's my serious one. If she does laugh, it's more like a cough, which most people would never guess means that she's happy. When people stop by and tell me she's cute she will very rarely smile at them. Often they will walk away with a confused look on their face, which just hurts my heart. I don't think she's any less cute because she won't smile, but it seems like other people do. (I know that may not be what they are thinking, but it's the way it comes across.)
After some moping, I realized that I was being completely absurd. She may not smile and laugh as much as I wish she would, but that just makes each time she does that much more special. It means she's really happy, and what more could I ask for? Yes, she's serious, but that's just who she is. She's an observer and a thinker. Sometimes you can see the little wheels turning while she ponders something.
She's beautiful when she's serious.
All of this made me realize that there are a lot of things that I look at in the wrong light. My weight, our rental house, my hair. Obviously, I can work out and eat better to change my weight, but there are some things that will never change that come from being pregnant twice. Instead of crying about those changes, I should learn to wear them proudly. It means I carried two beautiful children, and I feel so blessed for that. Someday we will be able to buy our dream house, our "forever" home, and this house will become a fond memory. Besides, I should feel lucky to have such a nice place to live. I know, especially in this economy, that many people are struggling to keep a roof over their families heads and here I am complaining because we don't have enough natural light. Crazy, right?
Now, my hair? I'll just have to learn to live with that. These curls aren't going anywhere.