Bad mommy moments are a part of life, and I've come to accept that I have my shortcomings when it comes to being a parent. That doesn't mean I like it, but I know that I'm not perfect and that I'm constantly learning. I think it's a good thing that I can realize that I've done something wrong and try to fix it. Every time I lose my cool, every time I react badly or just don't have the patience to be the mom that I want to be, I know that I have the chance to say I'm sorry and not repeat my actions.
Today I had a really bad mommy moment. Brenden and Lauren were playing in his room and I ran into Lauren's room to throw something away in her trashcan. When I walked back in I saw Brenden laying on his bed with Lauren in front of him standing on the floor. He had a hold of her hands and shoved as hard as he could to make her fall down. All I could think about was that her head was going to hit the corner of his cabinet. I jumped over the bed to grab her and on the way I smacked Brenden's leg. I wasn't even thinking about it. We don't spank or smack his hands so I'm not sure why that was my first instinct. I immediately felt terrible. He was totally shocked, too.
While I tended to Lauren I sent Brenden to time out. When he was done I asked him what he had done wrong and made him apologize to us. Then, I explained that I should not have hit him and that I was going to go in time out, too. He told me when to come out and I apologized and said I wouldn't do it again.
Apologizing to him is much easier than I thought it would be. I'm hoping it teaches him that even though he may make some bad decisions, an apology goes a long way, as well as making sure that the bad behavior changes. I know it will also teach him that his mommy isn't perfect, that I'm going to make mistakes, but that I'm doing my best.
Now I just have to forgive myself for doing something that I said I never wanted to do. It's so much easier for me to forgive other people. There's one more thing I can work on.